I couldn't pass this one up. Brokencyde, if you haven't had the pleasure, is a band that falls under the category of "crunk-core." Which basically means they have screaming vocals, mixed with club beats and hip hop. So you know....it's pretty terrible. I mean holy hell, who was the talent executive that OK'd signing this band. Cause that man should probably be imprisoned somewhere. Which is kind of funny actually, considering the name of the album is "I'm not a fan, but the kids like it!" That sounds like something a douche-bag talent exec would say. I digress, but in all honesty, I find myself almost liking a few of the songs, just because of how catchy they are. But you can't listen to them without laughing. So if that's all they were going for, good job. But I don't see how anyone can take them seriously. Let me illustrate my point with some lyrics. Here goes, enjoy:
"You're just a groupie. Bitch, I don't need a roofie to get up in that butt. Here's a list of bitches I fucked; Maddona, Casandra, Kintana, Kiana, your mama, Brandy, and Sandy, Mandy, Melissa, Rachel, and Candy, Jessica, Sarah, Jaquilin, Kelly, Kristina, Jasmine, Crystal, Maria, Madisson."
followed, of course, by...
"Now here's a list of other bitches that I happen to fuck;
Alisha, Theresa, Alyssa, Marissa, your teacher, your grandma, your auntie, your girlfriend, and probably your sister.
Nichole, Victoria, Lindsay Lohan, and Miley Cyrus, I probably fucked every girl in this room tonight (BE QUIET)."
I like how he insists everyone "be quiet" at the end. I can only assume this is because miley cyrus is like 14, and someone told them that publicly admitting to statutory rape isn't the best way to sell albums. Although, it has worked in the past (see: Eminem...also, most other rappers.)
BUT, let's not forget about possibly the best lyrics in music history:
"Lets get retarded. We'll throw a party, drink some Bacardi, and blaze some chronic. Let's keep it gangster baby, let's drink some gin and juice. You know you want me baby, I got them sexy moves. I drive those bitches crazy, cause I'm a sexy dude. But don't expect on having sex unless you shave your pubes."
Few orators possess a true mastery of the English language. I'm assuming none of them have "Get Crunk" tattooed across all 8 of their fingers. Good attempt though guys. A for effort. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's truly awful. Like...just, terrible. But still, I guess you had some fun, made some records, apparently had sex with a plethora of women, and people like me are writing articles about you on the internet. Can't say I blame you.
